I've decided to blog again. I used to journal, but there's something great about typing with mistakes and all and being able to backspace that error and start again. I love it. It's convenient. It's better than writing on paper. I can't remember the last time I wrote a letter let alone a journal entry. Is that why people's handwriting suck now a days? I wonder...
Alot has happened with in these past 6 years or whenever the last blog posting was. For starters...it's official. We are now retired from the military. 20 years he served, 18.5 of it I was along side of him for the ride. It was one heck of a journey. I really lucked out and can honestly say, it was all good. The only bad parts was loosing friends in the war. The rest was just petty, nonsense crap that every other military family goes through. Deployments, schooling, training, field exercises, tours, all the "fun stuff." Along the way, we've made countless friends, and a small circle of close friends we deem as family. We're currently looking at him job hunting and finishing up his degree and me going back to school come this fall. It's about damn time that's for sure! I'm grateful for the fact that 1) I'm going to school for free. 2) books will be paid for. 3) I get a housing stipend (meaning, my mortgage will be covered while I'm actively in school. 4) Thank you Frank for turning over the GI bill to me. What a blessing it is....
I am now down to 2 dogs. I had the most heart wrenching moment a week ago/4 years ago of putting my dog Soraiah down. She was sick for a week, I finally made the decision to take her in, and found out after a couple hours, she had diabetes and was in really bad shape. Even if we were to put her on meds it was so touch and go that the doc was unsure she was going to make it. I had to make the hardest decision and let her go. I stayed with her to the very end. It was just Soraiah and me with the doc on the floor of the vet clinic room. A few years later, my Hunny was next. I woke up to use the bathroom and noticed she didn't move like she normally did. I realized she had passed away moments earlier. Sophie Grace actually woke me up and thought she had to go potty, so I went first and that's when I found her. She was still warm, but not breathing. She died of a big heart. The most sweetest, loving pup we've ever had. Yesterday, we celebrated Miss Mocha's birthday. She turned 9! I gave Momo a bath, then we took her to Petsmart to pick out a toy and treats. She also loved her car ride. She stuck her head out the window and loved the wind blowing in her face. It was quite a scene lol
Almost 2 years ago, my mother in law Angelica moved in with us. 2 nights ago, we had the biggest fight ever. She's suffering from low self esteem, depression and who knows what else. I honestly am afraid for her. I don't want to wake up one morning and find out that she hurt herself on purpose. She stated that she wants to kill herself, she wants to die and just be done living. She feels she's worthless and no one wants her. She feels she's a burden to us. I've been around people w/ depression (my dad) and it's not something to ever take lightly. It's a cancer that affects your thinking and makes you feel the lowest of low in every aspect of your life. Being around people who suffer from this tends to make you feel less of a human as well. It's up to us to keep the mood alive/happy/cheerful no matter what. But that's just it. It's exhausting, it's draining, it's beginning to wear thin. I can't find my happy sometimes. I miss me. I miss smiling. I miss wanting to live in my home and just be happy. Lately, I find I hate coming home. I hate being around her. I hate her behavior. I hate seeing her beat herself up emotionally and not be positive or have a better attitude. We've given her everything. A beautiful, comfortable, clean home with a fully stocked pantry, beautiful yards, easy access to the outside. We've upgraded her bathroom to make it easy for her to use w/ assist bars. We've signed her up for social security, she's receiving benefits and gets a little stipend from Chile as well. She's now a U.S. resident and qualifies for medicare. She is now our dependent (but we can't claim her), and now that she's set up well (better off living her than in Chile) we've even set her up to go to the senior center, but she won't go. She makes excuses that she doesn't want to go and would rather stay home. She stays in her room ALL DAY (with the exception of coming out to smoke). She needs social interaction w/ peers her age. But, she'd rather stay home. She's scared. She's afraid and won't go out unless it's with us. She's always, with us.
For now, I'll close. I need to get ready for work. I'm enjoying my morning listening to my husband on the phone w/ a phone interview (more of a greeting to see if he's interested in working for Oracle). No word on the other 2 job interviews he went to. This is really sucking. One month out and still no job. Lord, help us with our finances. We seem to make it out by the skin of our teeth. . .but we are forever grateful and most appreciative of all that you have done for us and supplying and meeting our needs. Thank you Lord!
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